Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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