my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
