i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
