My first STD was from a foam party
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
