well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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