There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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