Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
