Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
