so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
