We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
