I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
