Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
