If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
