Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
