Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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