I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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