I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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