i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
