Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.

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(440): View more from Ohio

so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"

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(905): View more from Toronto

I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.

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(818): View more from California

why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door

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(949): View more from California

they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store

(949): View more from California

I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big

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(256): View more from Alabama

If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends

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(740): View more from Ohio

Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with

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