That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
