Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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