somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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