the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
