An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
