whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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