I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You almost got us killed.
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