Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
