i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
