just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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