Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
