He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
