I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
