just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sober January is a disaster.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
