I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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