I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
