Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
