So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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