Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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