Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
