i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
