and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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