Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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