Pants 0. Shit 1.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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