Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
