i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
