My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
