I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
