he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
