Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
