Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
