Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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